Cinema of the Weird: Suffer, Little Children (1983)

This no budget film was produced at The Meg Shanks Drama School. It may have been used to promote the talents of the pupils. Rather bizarley it was made by children (or at least teenagers) and they chose to make a fairly violent horror film. They acknowledge its influences of Carrie and Halloween in the end credits.

A mute girl (Elizabeth played by Nicola Diana) is a new member at Sullivans Children's Home. The kids suspect she has "something weird" going on. One boy is pushed down a set of stairs or was it an accident? Plenty of other weird children's deaths, the nastiest being one girl who repeatedly stabs herself in the leg. There's also a weird zombie dream or possibly a hallucination which Elizabeth made them see. A "rock" band also visits the children's home and they later play a charity gig at a local night club. They look more like Bros., Wham or another camp 80s boyband than a bad boy rock band. They make George Michael look like Nikki Sixx.

The acting is OK, and they seemed to be going for a naturalistic approach which was rare at the time. The film is badly edited, directed and the special effects are shit. This adds to the charm and I could live with this, but the film commits the mortal sin no horror film should commit: it's abysmally boring. It's like my worst dates; too much talk, not enough action.

The film was seized by DPP after it was picked-up by a distributor. I don't know if it was the film's title or because of the video nasty moral panic going on at the time, but they seemed to think it was a child abuse film. Way off the mark, it's a third-rate devil-child film. More astonishingly, it actually got picked-up by a distributor (Films Galore) and the cost of legal proceedings drove them to bankruptcy. The film has a very small cult following in the US and UK, mainly for its bad film status. It's available to watch on Youtube and other streaming sites. There's also a great review in the Flesh and Blood Compendium.

Zombies Zombies

Less Than Zero (Film vs Book)

Less Than Zero is Brett Easton Ellis' debut novel. It features his trademark stream of conciousness style writing and his music, fashion and pop culture references. The film is a bit of a clumsy mess. The book is bleak in tone with the main character, Clay being the outsider looking in; feeling slowly alienated from his friends and the party scene.

The film came out in 1987. It is very much a product of the time. During the time there was a lot of anti-drugs campaigning, some would class it as propaganda. Nancy Reagan's Just Say No campaign was prevalent at the time, which lead to many TV special episodes including a now laughable attempt by Disney and Warner Bros. The film seems to almost cash-in on this trend and seems archaic as a result. Clay is an anti-drugs campaigner in the film and tries to save his heroin addicted friend, Robert Downey Jr. (Julian). Some method acting in the casting there. In the book, the character Clay was much more complex and harder to define; I think he did  the whole "drugs thing", but was never really into it. The ending involves Clay witnessing his drug-dealer "friend", Rip showing off his latest acquisition: a 12-year-old sex slave. The final scene is omitted from the film and instead shows his friend, Julian dying of a drug overdose in his car. Clay viewing a snuff film at a party is also missing from the film. The scenes mentioned might be missing from the film due to censorship reasons. Nobody was sure if snuff films were real or not and it was a debate which was still raging into the 90s and while the snuff film being missing from the scene is non-contentious; the sex slave scene was a pivotal moment in the book. It tested Clay's moral compass and was left fairly ambiguous. It also showed that Clay was drifting further apart from his friends and maybe didn't want to be a part of their lives any more.

The film is a period piece and it definitely captured the downtrodden glamour and excess of the 80s well. The casting is good with all characters looking the part. Robert Downey Jr. is a great actor, but in this film he gave a B-, maybe even a C performance and was a bit clichéd. Andrew McCarthy as lead character Clay is just right. Jami Gertz as Blair, looks the part, but was a bit hammy in places. The soundtrack is also largely shit and for some reason Clay's Elvis Costello poster (a key point of the novel) is replaced with an obvious Jim Morrison one (yawn) and a Hüsker Dü one (why?).

To be honest it isn't a bad film, just a fairly average one. As mentioned before the politics of the film date it terribly and with a better script and a director willing to take a risk by showing some of the more controversial aspects it could have been a superb film. In the 21st century, Less Than Zero is rarely seen, talked about or shown on TV, at least in the UK. There was rumours of a remake with Quentin Tarrantino as director and Roger Avery scripting; I would love to see it materialise.

More TVs than a drag queen convention

Sexy Cinema: Lemon Popsicle (Eskimo Limon) (1978)

Lemon Popsicle must have been a labour of love for writer/director, Boaz Davidson. The film was said to be inspired by their experiences as teenagers growing up in Israel. I'm sure producers, Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan could relate to his story. The film was set in the 1950s and has more in common with later American teen movies. It's fair to say Lemon Popsicle suffers comparisons to American Graffiti and TV series, Happy Days.

Most of the films budget was spent on securing the song rights and thankfully they did, otherwise the rights would probably be too expensive now to secure a DVD release. It's mainly Rock 'n' Roll songs: Little Richard, Big Bopper, Bill Halley etc. The film also serves as period piece and is even more poignant now, given Israel is described as an "Islamic superstate" by the press, wrongly or rightly. It's also worth noting Tel Aviv was a big clubbing destination in the 90s, on par with Ayia Napa and Ibiza.

The film has a pretty similar plot to Porky's. Three 17-year-old boys go around chasing women trying to lose their virginity and generally just having fun. Nice guy, Benji falls for Nikki; unfortunately she dates his best friend Bobby and falls pregnant to him. Benji being in love with Nikki, pays for the abortion. Porky's is a straight comedy; Lemon Popsicle despite being billed as a comedy is more of a drama in places. The abortion scenes are appropriately downbeat and the whole film has a bitter sweet tone.  Isn't teenage life bitter sweet though?

The film did the rounds on bootleg VHS video in the 90s, at least in the UK. It's been released on DVD since although some of the DVDs are unauthorized (bootlegs) if they are by Jef Films or Televista. The UK DVDs are also now out of print. I would advise you to see it if you get the chance. The film is now regarded as a cult classic and was one of the films that successfully helped Golan-Globus buy The Cannon Group .

Sexy Cinema: The Big Switch (AKA: Strip Poker) (1968)

Pete Walker created this film as a guaranteed money spinner. The plot, based on 40s and 50s film noir and occasional nudity was engineered to appeal to American audiences. Pete Walker was proven right as the film was easily sold internationally.

The film predates Get Carter and some similarities can be drawn as both take place by the sea and both lead characters have the surname Carter, but that's really it.  Get Carter is a much better film and has a gritty atmosphere and great performance from Michael Caine. The Big Switch is almost camp - a shoot out takes place on a Ghost Train! Pure Scooby Doo. The now-kitschy 60s venues of nightclub and lavish apartments look so cool, at least to me, but they make the film seem cheesy and unrealistic.

The film falls down with lead character John Carter (played by Sebastian Breaks). Breaks looks the part, in his stylish suits and with his model good looks, but is emotionless. Sure, Jack Carter in Get Carter (Michael Caine) is a hard bastard, but he has the necessary vulnerability to make the character believable. While, John Carter is basically a poor man's James Bond without the charm or wit. Virginia Wetherell as Karen while pretty, is very wooden and emotionless in her role; a far cry from Cathy Tyson playing Simone in Mona Lisa. Worst of all is Derek Aylward as mob boss Karl Mendez - basically a pantomime baddy with a RADA accent. A posh thug could have been very interesting and convincing, but here it's just laughably camp. The best scene is a snowy shootout on Brighton pier, complete with a bad guy slipping on some snow.

The film was written in 24 hours and shot and edited in 14 days, for this alone it should be admired, but I see a lot of wasted potential in this film. I'm not sure if the rushed job or bad acting is most at fault. I can't help, but wonder what it would be like with Robin Askwith in the lead and instead of trying to be gritty, it went down the campy route. I suppose it would be a poor man's Casino Royale with tits and that would be no better. Pete Walker is an unsung hero of British horror and exploitation film and whilst The Big Switch is miles off, Pete delivered what he wanted to: sexy birds, casual violence and a portrayal of the sleazier sides of Brighton and London.


Look out for Pete Walker as the northerner complaining about the price of steak and chips. The price is now about the going rate in London.

Cool cars and kitsch in The Big Switch

Cinema of the Weird: 3 Nuts in Search of a Bolt (1964)

3 Nuts was pretty much a career ender for all involved. It's a comedy, almost a screwball comedy and part farce with some striptease scenes and nudity thrown in for good measure. To an extent star and director, Tommy Noonan was a few years ahead of the game. The British comedy series of films Carry On where still in their infancy in 1964 and some of the more popular titles such as Camping, Screaming and Up the Khyber hadn't been released. Carry On films are similar in some ways as they feature some implied sexual humour, brief nudity, but they up the farcical humour. The humour in 3 Nuts whilst absurd also deals with the dark theme of mental health issues in this case, Schizophrenia. It could be seen as a satire on the psychobabble shrinks use and media representation of mental health issues, but that is giving the film too much credit.

This film was a flop for Tommy Noonan, as I've said maybe it was too soon and whilst Tommy Noonan was a big-ish name star back in the day, if it had someone like Peter Sellers playing the lead role maybe it would have had more box office clout. But, I can't deny Noonan does a superb job at playing the lead and the direction is as good as any other crazy comedy from the early 60s. Mamie Van Doren plays Saxie Symbol (oh my aching sides) and her acting is of a high standard and is convincing at being both vulnerable and sexy, but she doesn't have the screen presence as say, Marilyn Monroe. Noonan went on to produce Cottonpickin' Chickenpickers this film was also unsuccessful and remains largely unseen today. Noonan died from a malignant brain tumour in 1968 which is a real shame as I think he had a lot of talent. Mamie Van Doren appeared in the film Slackers in 2002, Imdb list this as her latest film role, she has a minor cult following.

3 Nuts in Search of a Bolt is a curio to say the least. Not sexually explicit enough to even be considered a sexploitation film and at the time the sexier scenes may have alienated audiences, if the film was more graphic maybe it would have done the rounds on the grindhouse circuit. The film is arguably too rude for family viewing which stopped it appealing to a broader audience. It is well worth checking out as it has some great comic performances and is fairly obscure.

Mamie Van Doren as Saxie Symbol

Sexy Cinema: Don't Look Down (2008)

This film seems to have been marketed as a romantic drama, it is actually a very wry comedy. Maybe the humour was too subtle for some viewers. It reminded of the far superior The Rachel Papers, which summed up that ennui period between teenage life and adulthood much more perfectly. In The Rachel Papers, Charles was putting on an act; pretending to be smarter and more sophisticated than he is to impress Rachel. In Don't Look Down, Eloy is a clumsy young man who works as a stilt worker or wearing a pastry costume to advertise products. He doesn't read poetry or listen to classical music to impress the attractive, Elvira. She seems to like him for who he is or maybe she sees him as a project. She teaches him a range of tantric sex positions and techniques. It's nice to see a female in control in what is effectively a sex comedy. The sex scenes are plentiful, but not hardcore. There is a fair amount of nudity and that does seem to be the films main selling point. Without the sex scenes I think it would have been ignored. The film's plot is pretty flimsy and while Eloy is an interesting character - a somnambulist dealing with bereavement, it's not enough to elevate this film above average. 

Cinema of the Weird: White : The Melody of the Curse (2011)

This is the first film I'm reviewing from South Korea. It's about a fictional band, I was disappointed as after seeing the trailer I thought the band might be real. Band movies are usually interesting, imagine how different Slade in Flame would be if it had been a supernatural slasher. The rival band in this film is a real band called After School, but why not have two real bands? Too close to "reality"? Who knows?

This film is a bit like Ring meets Swing Girls, that's oversimplifying things. Lazy comparisons are overused in film criticism. K-Pop band Pink Dolls, are losing out in the popularity stakes to new girl band, Pure. A videotape labelled White is found in the Pink Dolls recording studio, it contains a pop group performing a song. Pink Dolls cover the song "White" and it becomes a big hit. The lead singers that cover this song has something bad happen to them. They usually end up wrestling a pissed-off spirit in the dressing room with a gory conclusion. The girls decide the tape is cursed. The question is for a new film why wasn't it a cursed DVD or maybe even a video clip on a pen drive, unless it is a nod to Ring?

The film is a bit better than average. It features some glossy cinematography and clearly a bit of money has been spent on it. The gore effects are pretty decent and as is de rigueur for Korean horror films the blood letting is plentiful. The film carries some moral messages about the downfalls of fame, plagiarism and jealousy.  This film is well worth seeking out and with the rival girl band theme and good production values, it is slightly above most disposable Asian horror films.

Pink Dolls perform